In Canada, we’re divided along regional lines. But in the U.S., it’s all about the urban/rural split. Virtually all the biggest cities, as far as I can tell, voted Kerry. Most everywhere else voted Bush. Since there aren’t all that many big cities in the heartland, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened here.

I heard a rather disturbing sentiment expressed by some Canadian conservatives yesterday. If I understood correctly, the argument was that those of us who’ve insisted we’re not anti-American – just anti-Bush – will be put to the test now that a majority of Americans have voted for Bush. In other words, it may not have been anti-American to heap scorn upon the President when he’d fluked his way into office, but it will be now that he’s won more convincingly.

That’s complete garbage. And if I have to explain why, you have no idea how democracy is supposed to work.

I also loved all the conservatives falling over themselves to praise Kerry for his graciousness in conceding, which in most cases was a veiled (or not so veiled) way of taking another kick at Al Gore.

A quick refresher, here: Gore won the popular vote. And he lost by so few votes in Florida that a recount would have been warranted even if he didn’t have legitimate reason to think he’d been screwed over. He was no less gracious than Kerry – he just came a lot closer to winning.

Since the exit polls completely crapped out, is there a chance we can just do away with these things next time?

I understand why opinion polls over the course of a campaign are useful – they give the race a bit of a narrative, and they allow voters to make more informed decisions. But what exactly is the point of producing phony election results hours before the real ones come out, based on asking voters how they cast their ballots rather than just counting them? Do many Americans really have such bad cases of ADD that they can’t wait the final few hours to find out who won?

On the bright side, for those of us otherwise less than thrilled with how things shook down, a golden age in the entertainment industry will continue another couple of years.

Yeah, the Alec Baldwins and Ben Afflecks of the world are a tad tiresome. But the truth is, the Bush presidency has seen – among other things - the best rock music in at least a decade, and the emergence of one of the most compelling talk shows in TV history. This is what happens during troubled times, especially when a Republican is in the White House – unrest breeds dissent, which breeds better art. So at least we have that.

See, it’s not all doom and gloom now, is it? An invaded country in chaos, more than 1,100 U.S. troops killed, a tanking economy and a semi-adversarial relationship with most of the rest of the Western world…but at least America has its music and its Jon Stewart.

Oh, and one more thing: John Kerry sucks.

Tell me honestly: Could you ever once, even for a moment, imagine the guy in the Oval Office? Me neither. And I suspect most Americans felt the same way, which is why he’ll never be there.