A longer protest than he was probably bargaining for

Chris Selley, better known as Tart Cider, is tired of his Toronto friends obsessing over gay marriage. And more to the point, he thinks they're making excuses not to vote Conservative. As he puts it in a (much longer) posting: "Basically I guess I'm suggesting that these people (my acquaintances) are latching on to same-sex-marriage, to which they hadn't devoted a moment's thought until 2003 at the earliest, to avoid reconsideration of their ingrained Torontonian predilection to vote for the left-most centrist candidate, which in turn betrays a fear of change most unbecoming of people their age. But I certainly welcome protests to the contrary."

It's an interesting argument, although he could usefully look up some more polling data before implying that 60-plus percent of the population opposes gay marriages. But as one of those people who tends to obsess over this issue, here's that protest he was looking for.

Were I in a riding where voting Conservative was a reasonable option - and, living in Trinity-Spadina, it's not - I'm not sure whether this issue alone would deter me. But it would certainly be a stumbling block.

I can understand the disinterest of Selley and others in the subject; it's not as though gay marriage is a particularly pressing issue in most of our daily lives. What I can't wrap my mind around, though, is the utter meanspiritedness of any politician who wishes to revisit this issue for the sole purpose of informing gays that their relationships are less worthy than the rest of ours.

In all the talks I've had with opponents of same-sex marriage - and having worked where I work for nearly four years, I've heard plenty - I've yet to hear a single good argument against it. For most opponents, it's just a visceral distaste for the whole thing. Others suggest, out of legitimate fear or merely as a debating tactic, that churches will be forced to perform same-sex ceremonies against their will - something that the current government has explicitly ruled out, and that most gay marriage advocates (present company included) would have no time for.

Then there's the ever-popular claim that it'll somehow devalue the institution, which I have a whole lot of trouble with considering that both myself and seemingly half the people I know are getting married this year, and none of us are having any second thoughts because gays have spoiled it for us. Besides, as Andrew Coyne has argued repeatedly, you'd think family values types would welcome those who want to settle down and get married, considering how perturbed they are by others who have no such desire.

So what are the arguments for it? I can think of a whole bunch. But what springs to mind is that, even with all the strides they've made in the past couple of decades, gays are the last remaining minority against which it's widely considered socially acceptable to express prejudice.

Racist jokes? Not cool. Gay jokes? All good. Quietly confiding that you're uncomfortable with a certain religious group? Grounds for expulsion from jobs, relationships and social circles. Quietly confiding that you just don't like gays? Just as likely to earn you some moderate tut-tutting - and maybe not even that if you're devoutly religious, ethnic, or over the age of 50. Bullying visible minorities at your high school? Scandalous. Bullying gay kids? Not so much.

Is government alone able to counter prevailing prejudices against gays? Of course not. But it can't hurt to set a positive example. And a government making a priority of telling gays they're different is setting another example entirely.

As for why Selley's acquaintances - who, I'm guessing, are mostly in the 25-35 range - care so much, consider that our generation hasn't gone through any great rights battle. That's not to trivialize the major achievements of the women's rights or civil rights movements, because we're talking about very different things. But in a small way, at least, gay marriage gives us a chance to ensure that our generation extends rights to those who lack them as well. And I'm not sure how many of us want to say that we elected a government that took the exact opposite approach.