Holding court at Toronto's Windsor Arms hotel, Noel Gallagher didn't take long to ponder the question about self-criticism. As usual, a quotable response seemed to spring instantaneously to mind.
"John Lennon was always slagging off everything that he ever recorded apart from Across the Universe," he offered, "and if that don't show what a f---ing idiot he was, I don't know what does."
It wasn't long ago that Oasis's guitarist, principal songwriter and all-purpose mastermind was busy slagging off much of what he'd recorded, too. Mention most of the band's post-1995 oeuvre, and it would prompt a self-deprecating take on his failings.
By the time Oasis dropped into Toronto last summer, a well-received new album, strong North American ticket sales and a solidified place as British icons had Gallagher feeling more chipper. And so he was back to what he's always been best at - slagging off everyone else.
Back in the coke-drenched '90s, Gallagher's jabs at his rivals could be less than dignified (wishing AIDS upon members of Blur was a low point). But now that he's clean and relatively sober, he's able to put his cantankerousness - and a wit far sharper than should be expected of a guy who's claimed to have never read a book - to much better use.
With a gleam in his eye, Gallagher clearly relishes his new role as Britrock's crusty elder statesman. Give him the slightest opening, and he'll happily offer a no-holds-barred, expletive-laced assessment of any person, band, event or country put before him.
It's one thing to take shots at easy targets - longtime rival Robbie Williams, for instance, or perennial punching bag Phil Collins. But what sets Gallagher apart from other British acts notorious for claiming superiority over each other is that no sacred cow is too big for him to take on.
The exact moment at which Gallagher proved himself the most honest man in music came in June, just as the rest of the music world was falling over itself to explain how Live 8 was going to save the world. Pressed to explain why Oasis had turned the event down, he could have stopped at scheduling conflicts. But that would have been far too boring.
"Are they hoping one of these guys from the G8 ... sees Annie Lennox singing Sweet Dreams and thinks, 'F--- me, she might have a point there?" he ranted to Observer Music Monthly magazine. "It's not going to f---ing happen, is it?
"Keane doing Somewhere Only We Know and some Japanese businessman going, 'Aw, look at him ... we should really f---in' drop that debt.' It's not going to happen, is it?"
In calling Bob Geldof and his disciples on their self-indulgence, Noel had said what millions of others were afraid to say. And that, as much as his music, has become his trademark.
If you're a friend, like Coldplay's Chris Martin, he might be a little more gentle. But he'll still offer a candid assessment of why your overhyped new CD didn't really work. "You know before you sit down to write a note that all these songs are going to be played in football stadiums," he told me at the Windsor Arms, drawing comparisons to his own band circa-1997. "So all these songs become really overblown and grandiose. I think that's where Coldplay are at now - you listen to one song and you're exhausted by the end of it."
In the same interview, he was even less guarded on other bands, other icons, other countries. "I don't mind the U.S.," he said at one point. "There's just not a lot going on between New York and L.A., if we're being honest."
Being honest is not something many musicians are keen to be. Earnest, sure. But honest means offending important friends or collaborators. Honest means infuriating your label. Honest means alienating entire markets in one fell swoop.
The beauty of Noel Gallagher is that he genuinely doesn't care. And because of that, there's no musician more worth talking to.
I'd like to think he had as much fun with our interview as I did. But truth is, I'd be afraid to ask. The honesty might have been more than I could handle.
Notable Noel: Some of the most memorable quotes from Oasis’ head honcho in 2005.
"These things tend to follow the well-worn path where three or four or five or six bands come out at the same time, and everybody proclaims it to be fantastic. Really, are you trying to tell me Bloc Party are any good? Are you trying to tell me that f---ing Franz Ferdinand are going to be around in three years time?" (National Post)
"[Jet's] new f---in' record, man, I'm telling you, I am pretty f---in' amazed by. One tune sounds like the Beach Boys. Not that I like the Beach Boys. I f---in' hate the Beach Boys - I think Brian Wilson is a cabbage." (The Age, Australia)
"The whole soap opera surrounding the Libertines - it's all very dramatic that they wrote this album about the breakup of their relationship. But who's going to buy it in 10 years?" (NP)
"If I had something better to do, I'd probably do it. But music is all I'm good at. If I wasn't doing this, I'd just be getting fat at home." (San Diego Union-Tribune)
"Chris Martin will try and sum up the meaning of life and the universe and all surrounding galaxies in three-and-a-half minutes - at the other end of that was me just being drunk writing and thinking it was really, really, really f---ing funny." (NP)
"I don't think it's helped in any way to not be on drugs. It's just, I can't be bothered. You spend too much energy trying to buy the f---ing things." (NP)
"Jack White has just written a song for Coca-Cola. End of. He ceases to be in the club. And he looks like Zorro on doughnuts." (NME)
"I despise hip hop. Loathe it. Eminem is an idiot, and I find 50 Cent the most distasteful character I have ever crossed in my life." (The Times of London)
"What does it say about the state of music today that it's left to us to dominate these events? I'm 38. I shouldn't really be here. It's embarrassing." (At the Q Awards, where Oasis were winners)
"You've got to have a real life because if you don't, you end up like Elton John or George Michael. Can you imagine George Michael buying toothpaste and a toothbrush and a newspaper or some lemons?" (Daily Telegraph)
"It saddens me when I see bands like the Stones and U2 charging so much. They don't need the f---ing money."
"I get the odd night when I'm halfway through Don't Look Back in Anger and I say to myself, 'I still don't know what these words mean! I'm thinking 'What the ... what the ... Stand up beside the fireplace? Why?" (as quoted by Contact Music)
"I hate Christmas - I hate the silly music on the radio, I hate the adverts, I don't like mince pies and I hate turkey. I can't be arsed getting involved." (Contact Music)
